TEN (10) GOLDEN SECRETS OF MARRIAGE

TO THOSE WHO ARE MARRIED OR ARE PREPARING TO GET MARRIED SOON

1. EVERYONE YOU MARRY HAS A WEAKNESS

Only God has no weakness. Every rose flower has its own thorns. If you focus too much on your spouse's weakness, you can't get the best out of his/her strength.

2. EVERYONE YOU MARRY HAS A DARK HISTORY

No one is an Angel, therefore, avoid digging one's past. What matters is the present life of your partner. Old things are passed away, try to forgive and forget. The past can't be changed. So Focus on the present and the future!

3. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS ITS OWN CHALLENGES

Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every shinning marriage has gone through its own test of hot and excruciating fire. True love is proved in time of challenges. Fight for your marriage! Make up your mind to stay with your spouse in time of trials. Remember this is the vow you made on your wedding day!

4. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS DIFFERENT LEVELS OF SUCCESS

Don't compare your marriage with anyone's! We can never be equal, some will be far in front and others far behind. To avoid marriage stresses, be patient, work hard and with time, your marriage dreams shall come true.

5. TO MARRY IS TO DECLARE A WAR

When you marry, you must declare a war against enemies of marriage. Some of the enemies of marriage are: Ignorance, Prayerlessness, Unforgiveness, Adultery, Third Party Influence, Stinginess, Stubbornness, Lack Of Love, Rudeness, Wife battery, Laziness, Divorce etc. Be ready to fight to maintain your marriage zone.

6. THERE IS NO PERFECT MARRIAGE

There is no ready made marriage anywhere. Marriage is hard work, volunteer yourself and perfect it daily. Marriage is like a CAR with Gear oil, gear box, back hassles and If these parts are not properly maintained, the car will break down somewhere along the road and expose the occupants to unpleasant circumstances. - Many of us are careless about our marriage... Are you? If you are, pls pay attention to your marriage.

7. GOD  MAY NOT GIVE YOU THE COMPLETE PERSON YOU DESIRE

He (God) gives you, him or her in the form of raw materials in order for you to mould what you desire. You may desire a woman who can pray for 1 hour but your wife can only pray for 30 minutes. With your love, prayer and encouragement, she can improve.

8. TO MARRY IS TO TAKE A RISK

You cannot predict what will happen after marriage, as situation may change, so, leave room for adjustment. Pregnancy may not come in the next 4 years. You may get married to her because she's slim but she becomes 100% fatter after a child. He may lose his good job for years that you have to take the financial responsibility of the family until he gets a new job. But with God by your side, you will smile at last.

9. MARRIAGE IS NOT A CONTRACT, IT IS PERMANENT

Marriage needs total commitment, love is the glue that makes a couple stick together. Divorce starts in the mind. Never think of divorce! Never threaten your spouse with divorce. Choose to remain married! God hates divorce

10. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS A PRICE TO PAY

Marriage is like a bank account. It is the money you deposit into your bank account that you can withdraw. If you don't deposit love, peace and care into your marriage, you are not a candidate of a blissful home. There is no free love in marriage, You cannot love without giving and sacrificing.

SOURCE: Anonymous

IN THE RELATIONSHIP MARKET By TEJUOSO OLAMIDE

A friend and I got talking one evening, joking and laughing our worries out until I hit a question on his past, penetrating the present and future and then he seriously stopped to say ‘I want something stable now, I can’t afford another heartbreak; I need a serious relationship…’

I was going to dispel the thought that having a good/serious relationship is not easy as my Bestie worried one evening that she’s not been attracting any ‘good guy’.

Many times, we don’t often get what we want; True- but we often get what we are. This saying borders on viewing oneself as a product in a competitive market. Before you
can discover something worth your attention, you must be attentive yourself. Interestingly, men have issues in relationship as females do, no matter how conspicuous they are, the irony is that they will still not
catch the attention of any ‘man’.
People some times say ‘this is not me’ – I don’t wear this, I can’t just wear it because it’s not just not me.

The first thing to do after identifying oneself as a product in the relationship market, is creating your brand.

That which is best about you is ‘YOU’ and nothing else. Your brand is not defined by what you eat, who your parents are, the music you listen e.t.c but your single identity as a separate entity. Have you ever
asked yourself who you really are? What kind of experience do you communicate people about YOU? In a market, branding is what distinguishes product A from product B.

Therefore, in the world of female folks have I found four Unique products – ‘the girl’, ‘the lady’, ‘the woman’ and ‘the tomboy’. Out of
these four, only one builds to last and that is ‘the woman’. At a notable time in a woman’s life, she’s got to man-hunt, trust me, it is only by knowing herself that will make her
distinguish ‘the boy’ and ‘the sissy’ from the man.

However, the key to distinguishing oneself for a long-lasting relationship is knowing your personality value which is embedded in your brand. Now get this right, a man’s personality is not defined by his supposed knee-weakling 6 packs or growing a forestful beard; he is however identified by his maturity and not age; devotion, commitment, handling responsibilities, dedication,
intelligence, understanding and many more.

All these qualities are also applicable in marking out ‘ the woman’. Therefore to build your own brand, you must be yourself and nobody else, know your likes and dislikes, do what you want, say what you want to say and regret it later, get some standards – all these will make a beautiful ‘YOU’.

A sales assistant introduced a new cooking oil to my mother at her store and when she used it to cook her jollof rice that night, it tasted as if she added chicken. You know what, whenever her customers come, she would talk about the oil that makes her food smell Chiken-ish, over and over again. Then
the buyers’ curiousity are heightened and they begin to inquire about the oil, the price and all. And this brings us to packaging.

Even after building your brand, you need to sell it out to the world, remember it’s a market, and that which does it so well is the your packaging.

The way you talk , what you wear, who you walk with , the type of music you listen to, what you enjoy doing, where you can be found, what you can be trusted with and many more all determines who gets your attention- whether a boy/man or a woman/ girl as the case may be.

In brief, appearance and visuals only do not determine YOU; the things that define you are embedded in who you really are, what you stand for, what you can do, where you are, where you go to and finally how you carry yourself. Building your brand is the key to your success, in having a serious relationship. You want someone to be nice to you, then be nice yourself. You want someone to like something about you, like it first; you want someone to love you, love your self. Be who you are and you will get what you deserve.

WHAT OVERSLEEPING DOES TO YOUR HEALTH

“To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you're dead”-  Og Mandino.

Each day is a little life: every waking and rising a little birth, every fresh morning a little youth, every going to rest and sleep a little death. Sleep they say is as vital tool for survival just as food entails , because your immune system repairs and strengthens while you sleep, regularly sleeping over eight hours may be a sign of a serious health risk. While it is important to get enough sleep, it is possible to get too much sleep, which can affect your health.

While sleeping, chances are, you’re more likely to burn the midnight oil to finish all your work than you are to pass up dinner, as your immune system repairs and strengthen up more while you sleep. But chronic lack of sleep can lead to a host of health problems such as high blood pressure, obesity, depression, irregular hormone production, a weakened immune system, memory lapses, constant irritability, and decreased concentration and reaction times.

It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it. Lack of sleep can make you constantly want to eat more, or persistently feel like you’re not hungry. It throws off your internal clock, resulting in abnormal feelings which are why so many people lose or gain weight during periods of sleeplessness.

Your brain needs sleep to refresh and regenerate. Without it, your short-term memory may be impaired, which is why pulling an all-nighter rarely yields better results than getting quality shut-eye. However, come Friday or Saturday night, you may work a party, but as long as you’re sleep-deficient, coming up with witty or even coherent, one-liners is out of the question.

While oversleeping feels like a treat on the weekend, regularly sleeping too much is actually a sign that there may be a medical problem at play. People who sleep more than eight hours a day have a higher risk for a stroke compared with people who sleep six to eight hours. Speculation has it that long nights of sleep may be linked to increased inflammation, which can eventually lead to cardiovascular problems.

If you like to sleep in on the weekends, don’t fret. Occasionally spending extra time in bed is likely not a bad sign, experts say, but when it becomes a regular habit, it might be worth checking out. For now, the researchers of the new study say their findings need further investigation, and priority should be given to understanding the underlying mechanisms. Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.

OH MONEY: A PATH TO LIFE AND DESTRUCTION

 ‘’Money has never made man happy, nor will it; there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants’’ -  Benjamin Franklin

 Yes! Something is responsible for the degeneration and deterioration of many individuals today. This thing in question is responsible for why we are top on the corruption index. It is the same thing responsible for why the poor remain poor though not their wish.

 It is the same reason why the rich here is over-rich and would aspire to be called the richest in the world if given a slightest chance. After all, many on this earth are already rich in Africa-out of enslaving the masses. Yet, this thing is responsible for why we have leaders who fight instead of reason.

 It is responsible for why we have graduates that do not know how to spell their names, not to talk of effectiveness and accuracy in office. At this point, I know you have a question you want to ask me and it is ‘what is this thing called?’ the thing that has taken us as a show of shame and slavery.

Money has made us slaves such that we now worship, adore and praise it more than we cherish good name (if not our names, then Nigeria’s). Money as powerful as it is put nooses on the necks of some; it drags them like goats for slaughter. No special definition for money due to its special recognition as a general voice used daily. Many have turned it and made it a “gods” and tends to be demonic.

The rulers (not leaders now) on top are slaves of money such that they embezzle even for generations unborn at the spate of “democracy” -yes, democracy of kleptocracy.  They embezzle to sharpen their ego too and now that the 2015 election draws near, they all yean to get what they want with money.

O MONEY, thou art wicked! While our rulers finger the national treasury, the peasants wished to be rich but no means to such wish, he would die on bad roads,  his male children would be used as political mercenaries in the next election, his female children will hawk what is under their skirts, he would remain in darkness(physical darkness) if not for eternity, his children again would be exploited by uncalled lecturers for good grades, cannibalized by police-slaves,  director-slaves, executive officer-slaves and all kinds of slaves.

In this time of slavery, the world knows Nigeria to be slave. Robert Mugabe last year in Zimbabwe fires,” are we now like Nigeria where you have to reach your pocket to get anything done? You see, we used to go to Nigeria and every time we went there, we had to carry extra cash in our pockets to corruptly pay for everything. You get into a plane in Nigeria and you sit there and the crew keeps dilly dallying without taking off as they want you to pay them to fly the plane”(the Nation, march 23,2014 Back page).

 So a brother in Africa could have eyes so sharp like an eagle to know that we also have aero-slaves? Now political-slaves call for his head? Did Mandela not cry enough? Did Fela not cry enough? Did Achebe not cry?

Did they not cry for us money-slaves to leave the path we chose-the path of adoration of money, the path of destruction, destruction of good names and destruction of Nigeria ultimately.

It is time Nigerians, stand up, brace up, shun money slavery, and embrace honesty as honesty is the best policy to a greater Nigeria.

WRITTEN BY:

KOLAWOLE PAUL TAIYE

FGX AMBASSADOR

KSU, KOGI STATE.

BANKER’S CYCLE

This possibly will describe the lifestyles of people working in a financial institution as bankers.  Without doubt, banking profession is an honorable and enviable one. It is a profession that is well respected and everyone sees you as being trustworthy, responsible, meticulous and mature.

Personally, I was fascinated to be a banker while I was a teenager. This resulted from the childhood perception I had then as regards what would become all the monies being deposited in the bank. I strongly and erroneously believed they would be shared among the bank’s staff from time to time. Now, I know better that banking profession is beyond my infantile imagination. Then, I also liked the corporate environment, the air-conditioned banking halls in few banks, and the well-dressed banking officials.

The matured grown up perception that finally made me to toll the banking profession as a career was due to corporate outlook supposedly financial buoyancy. But, now I have understood that being a banker does not guarantee your financial freedom but the wisdom not to live about your means should be our watchword.

When you work in a bank, irrespective of your position or take home pay, it is assumed that you have money. This assumption maybe true as you can be said to be comfortable, independent, and possibly save money, if you have a good saving culture. The upfront and access to other staff’s incentives like loan, lease e.t.c, may also lend credence to the people’s assumption.

 Unfortunately, this ill-fated misconception of people and easy access to the incentives mentioned earlier on have made some bankers to live beyond their income. There is, therefore, need to check ourselves in our journey so far, as bankers. I stand to be corrected and criticized, so as to learn as well, as we sincerely rub minds together. When you just got your job as banker weren’t you so excited? It was like you were on to a new height. You soliloquized,’ I am now 50% above poverty, goodbye to lack, wants and being dependent on your family or friends. Isn’t it?

   Yes! But the truth is many of us are carried away with the new status and we fail to manage the little or much we earn as the case maybe. We flaunt around with the latest, trendy and expensive gadgets, jewelries, suits, shoes and some other frivolities. We are happy collecting loan facilities to purchase expensive cars and other things that are irrelevant, hoarding our rented apartment with 3D TVs and other expensive home appliances. We use at least two expensive mobile phones with frequent recharging. Latest technology is good but should not be a do or die possession. You begin to live a life that is not yours. They call it swagger or effissy’, or is it packaging? I advise a break should be applied on such spending spree before your today’s swagger causes you to stagger and fall eventually tomorrow.

    It’s mind throbbing and shocking at this period of no job security from the top executives to the lowest cadre in the banking profession. Some bankers, who fully understand the concept of economics and investment, will spend heavily on cars or other frivolities worth millions of naira. This is done with no alternative or plan B in place. This is a time bomb of financial tragedy ticking away ready detonate! It seems unimaginable that a banker with no other source of income or financial succour will embark on a journey of exorbitance on liabilities rather than assets.

  The bitter truth is that those you want to impress by your show of packaged luxury might even be well off than you. In a chat recently with some of the security personnel in a bank in Lagos, the responses I got were encouraging because majority of them have at least half a plot of land in some locations like Mowe, Ibafo, Ikorodu e.t.c. Some have developed theirs. Few lease out the parcel of land for farming and livestock rearing. Some have commercial buses which give them returns. Is there any other way in which your money can work for you other than this? Such people have confidence of sustenance even if they are shown the way out of their security job.

I was so impressed when I heard this because many professional bankers never thought of securing a plot of land in those areas. They used the remoteness of such areas as their excuses. They continue referring to those places as remote areas disregarding the fact that cities like Lekki, Victoria Island, Ikoyi and Surulere were once remote areas, before being developed over time. We love enriching landlords’ pocket and most landlords especially in Lagos prefer letting out their houses to a banker or an oil company worker, because they feel secured even if they increase the rent yearly, bankers and oil workers will definitely pay.

 It is rather unfortunate that for some of us are literally working for money tirelessly, day and night. For these set of people, losing their only source of livelihood, will simply spell:                       F-I-N-A-N-C-I-A-L   D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R!

The reason the life of some bankers is always miserable anytime the company disengaged or advised them to resign, is that they find it so difficult to cope with their lifestyles. The reality of life starts to catch up with them very fast and hard. A top management staff in the industry as a senior manager was advised to resign, and to my surprise she started lamenting seriously, saying the bank had killed her and wondering where she would start from. I easily deduced her main worry from that outburst: she had little or no PLAN B. And, that she would lose the position of a senior manager, with official car with a driver, ease of securing a loan, child education support, vacation abroad and other perks at the expense of the bank, is simply unimaginable.

These lacks of future plan clearly explain the words of A.R Bernard a Spiritual leader ‘If you don’t have a vision for the future, then your future is threatened to be a repeat of the past’                                    

    A lot of bankers are easily carried away with the winds of some activities in the industry which are not relevant. They have forgotten that they are not indispensable and that with or without them the bank will go on. They should know that they are not rooted in the place but to be seen as part of their journey. Developing our career is advised but each one of us is also born with array of abilities exceptional to one. Unfortunately, only a few are actually putting theirs to use. You should think and explore the talent within for success and plan for an alternative from the day you got an appointment in the bank in order to accomplish your goal in life.

This brings to mind the quotation of Brendan Francis Behan who was an Irish poet ‘If you have a talent, use it in every way possible. Don’t dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke’.

In this banker’s cycle, relationship is not left out. Some people savings are literally on different bevy of beautiful ladies. Some lady bankers are in ‘managing’ relationship with the assumption that available finance will make it better. The worst scenario is for such lady to fall prey of a gold digger, jealous or betrayal of a husband or fiancé. By the time the dust is settled, fortune and friends might have gone already. If the spouse seems faithful, the actual measure of its degree can only be ascertained when the job is no more. The real foundation on which the relationship was built would therefore come to light. If it was on true love, marital bliss would be sustained and, if otherwise, marital crisis would be inevitable.

In conclusion, we should overcome the temptation of buying things that are not necessary. The full realization that we are not indispensable to the bank should ginger us to intensify the plans toward the future and to enable us harness our talents as soon as possible for sustainable alternative options. Prudence and moderation should also be our standard to acquisition of our needs, not wants. Let build our relationship on a long-standing core values which can weather the storm and the test of time.

Peter Oluwatosin Odofin is a Publisher, Writer, Blogger, an Entrepreneur and a career coach . He is currently the president of National Association of Aspiring Bankers of Nigeria (NAABN). also MD/CEO of Pet -Dof International Consulting Limited which is into Educational Consulting, Career & Self development, Travels& Tours , Branding and Publishing.

What Make-up Does To Your Face

Most women have a love or hate brace with makeup. When applied correctly, it can transform your face, highlighting your best features while masking any shortcomings. Unfortunately, it takes time to master tricky beauty products like liquid eyeliner and a full makeup routine can mean extra time in the bathroom.

Still makeup provides an important service: improving your appearance but what do all the gels and products really do to your skin? And with so many skin types, skin conditions, and so many skin-care products touting miraculous results, how do you know which makeup is right for you?

Makeup won’t cause a major disaster although some products can cause skin reactions, though those are rarely severe or long-lasting. If you have an adverse reaction, learn how your makeup is affecting your skin. That requires some self-education about your skin type and about the products you put on it – all things your dermatologist can help you with.

Allergic reactions to common cosmetic-product ingredients can come in two types: irritant contact dermatitis (an itching or burning reaction to a product irritating the skin), and allergic contact dermatitis (more of a “true” allergy to specific ingredients that results in swelling, itching, or blisters]. Substances, fragrances or preservatives in makeup and other skin-care products are typically the cause of adverse reactions.

Many people use makeup to cover acne and spots, but they should know that some products can actually cause pimples and other blemishes. If you are diligent about removing your makeup at the end of the day, or immediately after exercise, you are unlikely to have trouble. However, certain oils in many cosmetics can cause or worsen acne. This common type of acne, appropriately called acnecosmetica, is mild and characterised by blocked pores and reddened bumps on the chin, cheeks and forehead. Acne cosmetica occurs when oils from your makeup collect in and clog your pores, so thick liquid or cream products are often the culprits.

To reduce the risk of these reactions, become an avid reader of ingredients. Look for products that are labelled hypoallergenic they are less likely to cause allergic reactions, non comedogenic are less likely to block pores and non acnegenic are less likely to cause acne. Opt for makeup products that are fragrance- and oil-free. These ingredients are typically the most irritating to the skin.

Facial masks and scrubs are effective for exfoliating and softening your skin, but most experts agree that they do little, if anything, to improve acne. A gentle, non-abrasive cleanser that’s formulated for your skin type whether oily, dry or some combination will do more to keep your face free of blemishes.

If you develop any kind of reaction soon after you begin using a new makeup product that is a major red flag. Stop using that particular product, and check with your dermatologist. With a good skin-care routine and quality products remember, a little makeup usually goes a long way, you can help prevent negative reactions. Now you just need to find the extra time to apply.

Be cautious with the make ups you see in order to have a sense of wellbeing. Too much of everything , they say it’s bad.

HUSBAND SCARCITY

HUSBAND SCARCITY has become one of the challenges faced by many women today, if you go to prayer houses, majority of the intentions are prayer for life partner. And this calls for concern.

Going memory lane to the time of our mothers and grandmothers was there really much of a "husband scarcity'' problem? Or maybe there were more men than women then, or there were adequate corresponding numbers of both genders. I don't think so. Maybe then, the women had values and were prepared to build a home and not pack into already built home.

What am i really trying to insinuate? We created what we now see as "husband scarcity'' for ourselves. Today, the reverse is the case. Ask an average girl to define her dream husband - you hear things like "he has to be tall handsome, dark and rich, own a house at least and be presentable'' and then she adds "God fearing'' in order not to sound so worldly. What a wonderful dream! Then check the number of women around you and the number of men that can meet standard and you will see the problem.

The problem is that the description majority of ladies give of their ideal man is virtually the same when 50 ladies want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just one man and the decided to pick one, then what becomes of 49 others? They start lamenting of "husband scarcity''.

In the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriage age who possesses all this things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in illicit way of getting money) and even the numbers of these men involved in this illegal act is not enough to match all those searching for already made husband and besides most of them are not husband materials. If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance in good value and virtue and who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects are married and not complaining of "husband scarcity''.

Now, what is the solution to "husband scarcity''? The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change your view of who a husband is. A husband is that man God created then saw that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for creating him, without a help mate and then made the woman and gave to him and he felt complete and fulfilled.

“MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY ALLEVIATION PROGRAM” It is a mission of building the family that will serve God here on earth and is a benefit to mankind. For those who see marriage as a way out of women are HOME BUILDERS, not HOME WARMERS, DON'T CONFUSE A MAN'S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY. Where he is today may only be a route to where God has destined him to be tomorrow.

Sometimes the lady MAY BE THE ONLY FAST MEANS TO THAT MAN’S DESTINATION. Join in alleviating "Husband scarcity'' PICK UP THE RIGHT VALUES.I am not saying that you should pick anyone that comes your way and start talking about marriage. REMEMBER NOT ALL MEN ARE HUSBAND MATERIALS.

Relax, pray to God, seek direction, get counsel and trust God at all things. Wedding is a day but marriage is forever. God did not just create EVE for creating sake. He created her for ADAM'S need to be met. Likewise you (all ladies) you were not created for creating sake (unless God has a special calling on you) you were all created to meet a particular man's need and THAT MAN MAY BE THAT ONE THAT DOESN'T FIT INTO YOUR "EXORBITANT STANDARD'' do not despise or look down on any man, because it doesn't take God a second to turn around someone destiny, a man not so rich or an average man in DECEMBER, God can bless him to be very rich by JANUARY.

Obanla Adedotun Peter.

Department: civil engineering.

Federal University of Technology, Minna